Brendan Jordan is a son of a bitch. He found the cure for cancer, but lost it in a poker game. He's 10 feet tall and wears bedsheets for pants. He invented the microwave. He slept with my wife, made me watch, and I liked it.
He's won the Indy 500, stormed the beaches in Normandy and fathered 8 children. He eats a jar of pickles a day. He was Chinese for a week. He uses piano wire to floss. His stool weighs 12 pounds.
TO BRENDAN JORDAN!!!
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